Whether you are watching Lady Mary’s suitors on Downton Abbey, or checking out the latest heart-throb on TV, you may find that their romantic gestures are highly desirable and wish that your partner would adopt some of them! But did you know that the partners you see on the screen influence your expectations unconsciously?
It’s true! Whether it is a sitcom, a commercial for a car, or a romantic movie, the images are designed to become a part of your thinking, while entertaining you. It is good marketing because it keeps you viewing and waiting for the sequel but is it good for YOU?
Most people could use more love in their lives and you will have it once you stop expecting your partner or potential partner to “read the script.” And what is the script? It is the expectation that your perfect partner will be as romantic as Hugh Jackman in Kate and Leopold or your ex-boyfriend and tell you they love you as much as you want to hear it. They will commit to you without compromise and will know that they should do so, just like your mother always knew when you were dating behind her back. Usually the script is unconsciously written in your mind after absorbing images from books, TV, movies and people who present the illusion that they have perfect relationships. No wonder so many people have unrealistic expectations of their partners and relationships fail as often as they do on The Young and the Restless. Let’s detect the plots/myths, so you can see them as clearly as Mark Harmon does on NCIS.
The suspense love stories, more than the comedies (or in Shakespeare’s day, the tragedies), emphasize the message that love has to be difficult. The final episode of the 2014 season of Downton Abbey left the character of Lady Mary caught between two suitors, with neither knowing who had the inside track. If the myth that love has to be difficult is at play in this program, then Lady Mary is playing right along! If you are finding that love generally is difficult, then you may want to examine whether you have picked up some beliefs from, Downton Abbey,
In the half hour to one hour formats available to most TV couples, challenging and great odds occur when a boyfriend goes through bad neighborhoods, has a flat tire, and gets robbed but still makes it to the prom. Even with couples who have understood but unexpressed feelings for one another, situations when they come close to death to defend one another are common. In two shows with similar themes, Person of Interest and The Mentalist, the lead male actors and actresses had unexpressed feelings for one another but were willing to take a bullet, go to jail and miss lunch to defend each other. Most of the relationship tension is played out over a long period of time in several or even all episodes. But if the couple gets together it spells doom for viewership and a short life for the show, so the tension remains. After all, you wouldn’t have been happy if The Nanny had gotten Mr. Sheffield in the first season, would you? Almost all crime shows have tension between a male and female lead that waxes and wanes so that your attention doesn’t.
But if your love life is challenged by having to overcome great odds, shake off the media-induced trance, no matter how much fun it is to view, and create your own love life by setting the intentions that you want for yourself. Ask yourself the following questions:
What exactly do you want? For each item you mention in question one, ask yourself why you want it, and then ask yourself why you are ready to have each of those things? Be very self-loving and accepting while doing this exercise and if you are finding it challenging to feel deserving, try some tapping exercises to help you drive your intention. (See emofree.com for a video of the Emotional Freedom Technique). And check out GET REEL®: Produce Your Own Life for a greater exploration of how to do exactly that!
Wishing You Real conscious Living Until Next Time,
Dr. Nancy