Remember to Remember

Mayor Bob O’Connor

So many things come and go from our lives that we often don’t even have time to heal.  We may hold the grief and carry it for a long time without resolving it. The recent loss of the Mayor of Pittsburgh, Bob O’Connor, has many Pittsburghers searching for a way to honor Mr. O’Connor’s life and grieve the loss of him at the same time.  One thing is for sure.  The best way to accomplish both goals is to “Remember to Remember.”

As I speak to people about the loss of the mayor or other losses that they experience in life we:

– Remember the things that they leave as their legacy.  Acknowledge the ways in which the person changed the lives of those around them and the world.  If a parent leaves behind children who have learned their values, that can be legacy enough.  In Mr. O’Connor’s case, there is much more.  He was liked by everyone and known by many as he worked to bring Pittsburgh together.

– Remember to Remember. When the person or thing you have lost comes to mind, don’t try to push away the memories or the sadness. Let yourself be aware of it and once you have felt the feelings, remember to remember the good things and happy memories. Eventually, in time, the memories may turn to mostly good ones, as the pain of the loss fades and time heals our wounds.

As the holidays approach, allow yourself to remember the traditions that you had with your lost loved ones and how happy they made you.  Allow yourself to be happy that they were in your life. It’s all a part of the grieving process. Honor the feelings you have, good and bad.

To learn more about grieving the loss of Mr. O’Connor and others, see Dr. Mramor on the KDKA -TV Morning Show at 10:00 a.m. on Labor Day during her “First Monday of the Month” segment.

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