What’s True About You

If you started by saying, I am a mother, a teacher, an IT expert, a member of a board of directors, you have found yourself at the starting point of your journey to who you really are. Certainly, you would answer the question differently now than you would have 5 or 10 or 20 years ago, and so you know a bit of what It mean to change your identity.  But who are you REALLY?

A famous psychologist said many years ago that there are three selves:

  • Who you are, – the core of you at your spiritual level
  • Who you think you are- the identities you have taken on during your life and the stories you tell yourself about who you are
  • And who you want others to think you are- how you want to be perceived.

The journey to the first self, who you are, will answer any questions you may have about your life purpose. And here is a secret… the more congruent and alike the three selves are the more you are fulfilling your purpose, being your true self and hopefully living a joyful life.

We assume roles of who we think we are sometimes by accident or happenstance; some are placed upon us by others and some are consciously chosen.  And these roles can be ones that consciously resonate with our souls,  others that we have taken on that we live out without question or ones we wish we could shed.  All of them are either here to serve our progress as souls on the earth, or to interfere with that progression, but all of our roles are here so that we can learn. 

Take for example the second self, a role of who you think you are. You may strongly identify yourself as a member of an ethnic professional, or religious group. As a young child you may have thought of yourself as a member of the 4th grade class, the soccer team, Johnny’s sister or as Mary Lou Johnson’s best friend. Now ask yourself if this role has served you and others well or if it has been a detriment to yours or others growth. Then examine whether you chose the role or if it was chosen for you.  Career choices, and religious practices are often influenced by parents or other influential adults and may or may not be true to who you really are. For example, ethnic groups and families may support you in your service toward others or may become clannish and shut others out.

At some point it’s good to sort through a list of the roles you chose, the ones that drive you and bring you joy and a second list of the ones that feel like a heavy responsibility or make you uncomfortable. The second ones are usually chosen for you or thrust upon you out of some necessity, but can still help you to grow, even if the growth is to grow out of them. Some of the roles bear no resemblance to the real you but have become a part of your personality through forced repetition. Consider that the ones that drive you and make you happy are ones that are a part of the real you, or at least the real personal you.

Over time you develop stories about who you think we are or who others tell you that you are.  It may be time to stop and ask yourself if the story is true. You may become so attached to it, that you forget to question and look at whether it is true and whether the stories serves you. You may want to look over your stories about who you think you are the way you might sort through a closet, deciding what truly gives you joy, vs. what needs to be released to be true to your real Self.

When you think of what to keep and what to release, consider the dual nature of man, the spiritual Self and the human self, the latter containing the ego.  The ego holds all of our roles and identities, your memberships and your judgments.  You will see that the ego’s stories about your identity can contain false beliefs without our even realizing it. Dogmas may become so strongly positioned that you forget that they are not the truth, only ideas or even lies about the truth of who we really are. But a healthy ego that is not insecure, chooses the life paths that bring joy and service, and sets clear boundaries to stay mentally and physically healthy. It is then that the self/ego is serving the higher Self at the core of who you truly are.

The Self, the truth of who you are, is the core and foundation before all of the beliefs about your personal identity or what you need others to believe about you, and it exists without them.  Think about that. It exists without them.  It is your spiritual inner core, the part of you that exists without any of the story. And it is the part of you that is perfect. Yes, You Are Perfect™.

In asking if something is true, you might examine whether it is an assumption or false story. Your story is full of assumptions that have become solidified into beliefs, that are not true. Ester and Jerry Hicks in the Law of Attraction, explain that when you are being true to yourself, that you feel joy, energy, and compassion. The key is mindfully living in the moment and moving toward beliefs and actions that serve you and away from ones that don’t.

To live purposefully spend as much time as possible in who you truly are, enjoy it, and employ it to be of service and as a source of positive creation., As Baba Ram Das the author of Be Here Now, an early book on mindfulness would say “Love everyone (compassion, service), and do your meditation (prayer, connection with the Self), All the rest is entertainment (story).”

Join me in future blogs to journey through the self, healing what needs to be healed and supporting you with powerful practices. The journey starts with the truth that (Spiritual Self) “You Are Perfect™.” 

To learn more about simple techniques that keep you living in your true self, go to https://drnancyonline.com/register/course/ to sign up for the course on 6 Essential Spiritual Tools for Busy People.

Until next time,

Dr. Nancy

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Are Social Connections Necessary and Why Do They Matter So Much?


https://www.pittsburghmagazine.com/did-you-see-what-they-posted-on-nextdoor 

When some of my contributors, Jen Antkowiak, Deborah Barr, Bonnie Budzowski, Paula Franetti, Gina Mazza and Janet McKee wrote sections with me for a project on The Top Ten Tips for Lasting Happiness, we focused on the types of happiness that are unlikely to change over time. Jen’s chapter was related to the #1 reason for happiness reported by the most people: social connections. It was then and is now on the top of the list. The other key elements in the top ten list were food, exercise, how friends can cause happiness, and laughter. Additional elements included gratitude and flow.

Happiness was and continues to be the subject of a great deal of study. When Kellie Gormley interviewed me recently for Pittsburgh Magazine she wanted to know about the pros and cons of a new social network site called NextDoor. It’s an online site where you can sign up to connect to people in your geographical area to talk about area news. It’s no surprise that this type of program was developed because we are still looking for positive and supportive ways to connect to people with whom we have something in common. In addition, it’s practical because you can find local contractors, pet sitters, snow shovelers, Chinese food delivery and lost pets!

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WHAT IS TIK TOK AND IS IT GOOD FOR YOU?

Originally from Dr. Nancy’s Interview with Voice of America

People tell me they enjoy using a social media app called Tik Tok.  But recently they have been taken in by false personalities who don’t represent the actual person.  And it’s not carefully marked as to which posters are real and which are fictional. You can get taken in by a false personality, engage with them and believe that you have a relationship with them, called a “parasocial” relationship.  It happens when the character feels like a personal friend.

It’s very similar to the ways that TV influences you.  The characters on reality shows such as The Bachelorette, the Real Housewives shows, or even TV soaps. become relevant to you.  It can happen with any reality or fictional series. The issue is that when you invite the characters into your life and living rooms, you become attached. They become familiar and are like family so you want to know what will happen to them next. It’s even more true with Tik Toc because the characters are easily accessible and because Tik Tok can be interactive. The relationship becomes “parasocial”

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DOOMSCROLLING: WHAT IS IT AND WHY DO YOU DO IT?

From Dr.Nancy’s interview with Healthline

Researchers say that when people constantly read news that they are “doomscrolling.” When you see too much bad news you can have more fear and anxiety. It can occupy too much of your day and keep you up late at night.  And it only serves to make you worried and sad.

This is especially true since Covid-19.  You want to know all you can to keep safe. So, you may go through every newsfeed and sometimes get misinformation. It’s not a good idea and can make you anxious to focus so much on the Covid. Once you have heard the recommended precautions and have good guidelines, it’s better to focus on more positive activities.

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THE CHANGE IS COMING, FROM ME TO WE

As I watched the opening of the Olympics recently, I could feel the high-level, vibrating message of inclusivity, unity, and harmony among everyone in the world exploding at the event. It was touching, funny, important, elevated, clever and most of all global. Every nation, each person, all colors, and races were acknowledged. The Olympics has the power to do that, and so do we. 

When I published my blog on the environment in Real Conscious Living in 2019, I pondered what would bring us all together to “save the world.” What I knew for sure is that it would take a village. Then yesterday, I saw a photo from Australia showing the heavy rains and flooding that took away many people’s homes and livelihoods. The image showed thousands of spiders building webs together so that they could stay above water and survive as a group. There were so many spiders, all helping one another, building community webs and threads of connection for a joint purpose. They had abandoned their own webs in crisis so that the group could survive, and they would all benefit from their unity. The impact was so great that the silky webs appeared to be like layers of pristine snow hovering just about the flooded ground.

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WHY GIVING IS SO GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH AND HAPPINESS

Dr. Nancy Mramor

Research shows that giving can create amazing effects on the body and mind.  And now we know of a way to boost those benefits in 2022! When you give a gift, you typically get a verbal, electronic, or written acknowledgment and thanks.  You often feel elated briefly, knowing that your gift or donation made a difference. But what if giving or doing a good deed anonymously can improve your mood, have long-term effects on life satisfaction, and stimulate brain activity associated with pleasure and reward? When giving our brain releases chemicals like serotonin and dopamine, giving you a sense of reward. A reduction in stress and anxiety, lower blood pressure and better sleep are also associated with the part of the brain that is stimulated with giving. And when these chemicals are released, depression is lessened.

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WHAT IS THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT AND HOW DOES IT WORK?

Create a life of permanent purpose

When you are setting your priorities for the day, you typically list the most important things first. But what if the most important thing was the smallest action that you take today? One thing sets your intention for the day and creates a ripple effect that impacts you and the world indefinitely?  If you have ever dropped a stone in a pool of water, you have seen the ripple effect, the circles of water that surround the place where the stone landed. They go on and on just from one action.

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Article for the Solitary Writer on how media is affecting you

Recently I was contacted by The Solitary Writer to write about the Top Ten C’s of Conscious Viewing and Living. In my book, Get Reel: Produce Your Own Life, I introduce the idea that we need to view all media consciously so that we get the benefit without the side effects. Each chapter of the book contains a “C” or guideline for maximizing your media time in a way that empowers your real conscious life. The “C’s” are words that open a way of thinking about all of your media intake that can make your viewing time highly productive rather than just a down time activity. The “C’s” start with getting curious about what you are listening to, viewing, seeing online, watching on a billboard or reading in a magazine. There are clever marketing techniques that keep you viewing, and if they’re successful and entertaining, it results in keeping you on their viewer list. Yet, sometimes that takes you into a way of living or thinking that doesn’t match your true self. Learn how to enjoy your media time and build a mindful life at the same time, with the Top Ten “C’s” of Conscious Living and Viewing. Click here to read the article

 

 

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Get Reel®: Produce Your Own Relationships

Dr. Nancy Mramor is an Award-Winning Author, Media Expert and Guest, International Speaker and Psychologist/Coach. She has appeared on hundreds of Radio, TV and print media placements, as a host, guest, producer, script consultant and expert. Television networks that have called upon Dr. Nancy for her expertise include Fox, PBS, NBC, ABC, CBS, and MSN. Her research on how television consciously and unconsciously educates viewers proved to be significant beyond a doubt, clearly revealing how and why the programs we view shape our lives.

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